The Reluctant Feminist / Artist's Statement
When people started putting that label on me I recoiled in horror and spat it back at them. In my mind the feminists hated everything I was about. They were frigid hypocrites with the stance that any woman engaged in any facet of the adult industry was a victim. Why couldn't a woman enjoy sex, create erotic imagery and still be in control of her own life?? By victimizing and marginalizing us those women were no better than the men that were doing the same thing. In many ways it was worse because they were supposed to be on our side.
Either they lightened up or I became more sophisticated and I stopped associating feminists with crunchy girls with hairy legs and no make up on who hated sex, me, and everything for which I stood. I started to see some of what they were saying. Fuck you for telling me what I can and cannot do. Fuck you for looking down at me over your round, hairy belly and telling me I'm fat while my bones stick out and leave bruises on my lover's hips.
My work became a feminist action. Every example of a woman in power, a woman taking control, or a woman expressing herself sexually or otherwise was a feminist action. Rather than fighting against the greater cause because I wanted to be femme, I'm a horny bitch, I like twisted fucked up things; I decided to give in. I am the reluctant feminist.
I have been many things over the years : a model, porn star, dominatrix, writer, director, editor, photographer, painter, wife, girlfriend, daughter... At the very core I am an artist who uses any medium available to me as a means of expression.
The Deconstructed Beauty Projekt started out as a photography project where I railed against the images I was creating as a model
in other people's work. I was tired of being reduced to just a pretty face. In my earliest work I did things to mess up my face. I
used twine, clothespins, and a razor blade while asking the question - Am I still Pretty?
I was young; I was angry. I hated what I did for a living, the unrealistic expectations that were placed on me and the one dimensionality of the work. The projekt has expanded as my own interests have to include paintings and film. I truly believe it is a positive thing for women to work in erotica but more importantly, for women to express themselves however they see fit, however comes naturally for them. I hope that my work will elicit emotion and facilitate discussion. It doesn't really matter what I think, it matters what you take from it. Inspiration and expression are everything