You come home and you're alone.
hours you spent getting ready didn't matter
You want to destroy everything
you added in your attempt to create this other version of you,
that's glamourous and perfect.
That's what your boyfriend
who spent the night sticking his tongue down the throats of groupies
who opened their mouths wide like baby birds accepting a worm from their
mother tells you you are.
You realize this is a
quality you don't possess and you hate yourself for it.
You rip off
your hairpiece and take off your 6" heels. Your feet finally hit
the ground and you're reminded of your diminutive stature. You're not
the tall godess you pretend to be. You take your hand and wipe off the
face you created but it's not enough.Inside you still feel dirty. There's
a layer of shit that nothing can remove, yet still you try.
the idea that steel wool might do the trick. You plug up the tub and
turn on the water, making it run at the hottest temperatute possible.
You want to burn. You've been in your own hell all night, why not burn
the flesh that makes you crave, that makes you need to be something
and someone else, the skin you don't want to be in...
You scrape off
the first layer of skin with the steel wool , but it's still not enough.
It's never enough until you bleed.
Only then are you clean.
can you sleep.
But you are never at peace.